without name

Little one,
I did
have dreams for you.
Memories now
of things
forever
Unhappened.

Missing
photos, squirms,
the
black and white
sketch,
and yet,

I watched myself
cradle you
     pinkandblue
and fight
with daddy to keep you close at night.

And Still,

I saw myself
crouched low,
tying your shoe,
and teaching you how to,
the way I've taught
so many
others

           that were never mine.

I won't see that clearly again.
When the stars are out,
             
          I will know the clouds now.

And how
You
could never
belong
to
Me.